$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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