sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
