I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
