I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize