dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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