Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
