the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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