its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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