I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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