if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
