If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
