My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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