4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
