My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
