We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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