Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I skipped work to stalk him.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
