It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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