I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
