dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
