last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
