My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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