Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
