His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
