my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
