lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
