Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
