I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize