Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
