DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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