She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
