your room smells of hookers.
And success
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
