Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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