There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
