If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
