I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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