should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
