I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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