Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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