I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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