In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
