I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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