Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
