remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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