I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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