it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
