woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
