There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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