oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
