"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
