Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
