sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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