I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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