i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
