Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
