butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
