Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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