I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
