Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
