i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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