Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize