Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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