She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
