Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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