How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
