I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
