I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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