please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
