I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
