woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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