You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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