I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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