So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were trust falling into bushes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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