No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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