I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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