Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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