mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize