maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
