eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
