I am puke
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
