I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
