just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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