wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
