I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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