and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
