So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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