We're facebook friends in real life
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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